Waiting.

The past few years have been a challenging waiting game.

- Wait for the court process to play out so we can finally have time with the kid. (2013 - 2015)
- Wait to save money for a house. (2013 - present)
- Pay court costs $$$, and wait even longer to save money for down payment on a house. (2015 - 2016)
- Get the kid, but wait for the attorneys/court process to continue to play out so we can do things like have family vacation. (2016 - present)
- Get a new job in a different city, and wait in traffic 3+ hours a day. (2016 - present)
- Wait to save more money for a house, because we no longer qualify for first-time home buyer assistance programs. (2016 - present)
- The actual waiting game of home buying. Apply for loan (wait for approval). Put offers on houses (wait for response). Put more offers on houses (wait for response). Put offer on house, get it accepted, wait for inspections/repairs/appraisal/loan. 

I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT ANY LONGER.

I just want to live! I want to live live live live live live live live live live live.

I want to plant a garden-- mint, figs, horseradish, watercress, tomatoes, grapes, everything. I want to travel as a family. I want to put hard times out of my mind and let go of fear and feelings of defeat/disappointment/anxiety. I want us to both have personal fulfillment instead of living on hope. I want to have time to cook and clean and sew. I want to have time to exercise. I want to have time to explore the place I live and find joy in every day experiences-- like the sounds of birds chirping, the blossoming of flowers, and the colors of fall leaves.

It all feels so close, but the closer that sweet satisfaction comes to us, the farther it seems. Each minute of anticipation taking infinitely longer, each weekend of fun passing infinitely quicker.

Why does life feel out of reach sometimes? So much of my life has been spent in the present, but the past 3 years have been plagued with waiting... and we need, we desperately desperately need, to find joy in what life offers to us RIGHT NOW.

Life, we're ready for you...

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