An insane month

Getting honest,

This has been a crazy month, just a bundle of emotions and experiences and huge life changes for myself and the people around me. For the entire month of May I will spend approximately 4 days in my apartment, the apartment that I am going home to in a few days to find half empty. In this month I will have said goodbye to a 2.5 year relationship and my roommate/best friend. I will have held the hands of family members as they whispered about death-- more personal stories of loss than I can count on my two hands. I will wish my little sister and her new husband well as they whisk off into the sunset after their wedding next week. I will have flown cross-country to Alabama and back to the northwest, then to Utah and back again. I will learn to live alone for the first time in my life.

I will get to the home I have built in Seattle and redefine my space (literal and figurative), and review how these experiences have defined me. I will go to Utah, my home of origin and remember what home really means to me. I will reflect on the immense value of my future, friends, family and the opportunity I have to live life to the fullest. I will take the advice of my clients and never forget how lucky I am to be alive.

In the past month I will have made numerous new friends that I may never see again, who touched my life in amazing ways. I will have seen the compassion and generosity in the hearts of the many volunteers, and the strength and sorrow in the hearts of people affected by the tornadoes here. I will have heard about and seen survivor guilt for the first time, and taken a glimpse down the path of why?. I will have had great fun, hard times, and really awesome memories.

Last month I politely excused myself from the monthly goals I had set for canning, knitting, spinning, reading and brewing because of circumstances surrounding changes in my relationship (or non-relationship). This month I will also politely excuse myself.

And then I will get some extra sleep, cuddle with my kitty cat, and spin some wool. Normal is ever changing. What's yours?

PS. My days are not all heavy emotional taxing work. I know how to let loose and have fun, and trust me that has happened here. Did I mention the go-karts, mini-golf, roller skating, laser tag, movie nights and pizza parties? Or the group of twenty-somethings that provide good laughter? It just seems that when I sit down to write the words that sit in my frontal lobe are these.

Comments

  1. I'm sorry about you and Carson. I had no idea. I am excited to see you and I love reading about your adventures. You are a great example to me with how you are devoting your time to serving other people and I just love ya! :)

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  2. That is a lot to process! I think any one of those would send me through the ringer. I am happy you get to go see family, it seems like life makes more sense when you are around so many people that love you so much. Sorry to hear about your break up. You can always continue your crazy traveling streak and come to this side of the world! I think the down time you experience after all of this will be the hardest. After taking care of my younger siblings and watching my dad die, Dane and I moved to Logan and I didn't have a job at first so I spent most of my days alone, just processing everything. I felt like I had just ridden this crazy scary roller coaster and then just sat down, googly eyed, crazy haired, and sick to my stomach. Thank goodness for friends and family! I will be thinking of you! Call me anytime!! Love you!

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  3. You always speak-write with such brevity, and lately of solemn truths.

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