Fantasies and Fairy Tales

We start life dreaming of a fairy tale. We have a few blunders in our teen years, work through them, and now here we are at 20some years old. Now we think we have had our fair share of romance related trials, and we are ready to meet someone great to share our lives with. We have a few more blunders, we get jaded, and eventually, we reach a breaking point. We get sick of searching for that someone, and latch on to the next person to come around. Regardless if they are really a good match for you or not. And you go through life happy...I mean... the person is nice enough... the relationship has no real fire, and It's far from the Fairy Tale you dreamed of as a child and young adult. But, you know, she/he isnt abusive or anything, so we don't complain. More Importantly.... We start life as Idealists. We dream of being ballerinas, and firemen and doctors and actors, world savers. We get into our early-mid 20s and we face real life for the first time and get FREAKED OUT. Woaah! You mean I have to pay for health insurance?! 1,000$ a month for rent?! All of a sudden dreams and aspirations go out the window in order to do something "safer" And the would-be prima ballerinas and the could-be fantastic actors and the should-have been future doctors decide that school is too expensive, and too hard, so they take a job they never really wanted in the first place..but you's pays the bills, you know? So, you have the...oh...nice person you share your bed with and know, job that pays the bills and then one day you find yourself saying something like... "These young adults are so naive with their idealism. They dont know what's about to hit them" and then much later in life, you rethink everything. and say something like "I wish I would have chased my dream." & I am so afraid for myself and for all of my friends that some day in the coming years, we will all reach our breaking point. and decide that life is too hard and decide we are sick of searching for someone wonderful to spend our lives with. and decide it's not worth all the hard work needed in order to achieve "the dream" (Whatever that may be for you) and we'll just quit. and settle for something bland. I see it in too many "grown ups" and sometimes I get so scared that one day, that'll be us. I don't ever want to be anything but idealistic, ambitious, hard working, and someone who goes after her dreams. I want to constantly make mistakes and learn and expand my mind. shoot. If that makes me naive, then that's okay with me. Just dont quit. We'll all reach some sort of breaking point, I think. but you just have to over come it. and I mean that. YOU HAVE TO! Especially if YOU are a friend of mine! Because I think you (my friends) deserve nothing more than everything you've ever wished for. I've always thought that my friends in particular are the ones that have the ambition desire character charisma ability to change the world.

--Christy Burbank


PS. This week I have dreamed twice about having babies. And today's afternoon baby dream also included breastfeeding the newborn. Imagine that. Key notes in today's dream were 1) the father of the child is the current man in my life. 2) The nurse was trying to get me to bottle feed and finally I understood the reason-- I wasn't going to be able to keep this baby. It was going away and I wouldn't be able to breastfeed it anymore. 3) I was very eager to have the child in my life and very, very sad when I understood that would not be the case. As usual, I woke up to my own light tears and feeling rather emotional.

If you are new on my blog, you should know that I dream of giving birth and breastfeeding fairly often. A regular aspect of these dreams is my inability to keep the child-- almost always it is taken away from me, I lose it (literally, misplace and unable to find it), or place it for adoption. Only once have I ended a dream with the baby in my possession.

I have stopped analyzing the dreams. Their frequency, similar themes, and unhappy endings are a constant in my life. Eventually they will make sense to me. I hope this isn't some psychological sign of infertility....


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