Sister, Sister.

My sis Meisha is great. Of all the friends I've ever had, none were so likable as her. I guess that's the beauty of family. This is Meisha's most recent blog entry, and my response.



I sit in my math class, the chatter around me. I try to focus on my assignment but my attempts fail. I contemplate my life, where I fit in this world. What is my role? How can I help? Who's life have I impacted? I try to look into the near future. What choices can I make to change everything for the better? Confusion sets in. Who are my true friends? Who can I really talk to? Who am I? I often wonder who really cares about me. I know a lot of people care, but who would really miss me if I were to leave? As I walk through the halls between classes, I see cliques and couples everywhere. Obviously I am alone. Do I try to force myself into a group that doesn't really like me and where I feel I don't belong? Or do I accept being alone and focus on building my family relationships? If I chose the latter, will that inhibit me when it comes to finding an eternal companion? Which leads to the whole dating world, the cause of strife with many teens. I am no different. Do I pursue someone who doesn't live nearby and our attempts to see each other constantly fail? Or do I try to date other people who have not shown any sort of interest at all? Am I setting myself up for failure? If so, how do I set myself up for success? And we mustn't forget about school. While most kids despise school, I thoroughly enjoy learning. But, there are questions that surface. What classes should I take next year? How many college/AP classes can I handle and which ones would I benefit the most from? What scholarships, if any, can I apply for? How am I going to afford college? What college am I going to attend? What am I going to do with my life? Confusion...Frustration...Exhaustion!

I have asked myself these same questions for years, and only now am I finding some of the answers. My answers are not your answers, but they comprise the only advice I can give to you.

What is my role?
-- My role is ever-changing. Sometimes I am a student, sometimes an employee, and sometimes a cook. The never-ending roles I fill include: family member, good do-er, and learner. I feel like the greater purpose of my life is to improve the lives of others.

How can I help?
-- Depends on the situation. I'm still finding the answer to this question...

Who's life have I impacted?
--Everyone I am closely involved with, plus more. By promoting fair labor practices and awareness of sustainability, I am potentially impacting people I will never meet. I try and keep the "greater good" in mind when making decisions, but it's not always easy. I guess it's important to remember that even small decisions can add up to large impact, and thus that seemingly innocent mistakes can do great harm. It also works the other way; doing good can have great impact, on large or small scale.

* You have impacted my life, and all of our family members. I hope you never underestimate your importance as my sister.

What choices can I make to change everything for the better?
-- You can't fix everything... at least, not yet. It sucks. In the meantime figure out what is most important to you... which can be very hard to do. I sometimes find what I thought was most important is flawed and then my priorities change.

Who are my true friends?
-- In high school I felt like I had 1.5 "true" friends. But, when I left for college that .5 increased to a whole number, and the other whole number disappeared. I've only really stayed in close contact with one person from high school. And here at college? I've made some amazing friends that I love dearly but they come and go. Each new school year brings a new round of people into my life, and nothing ever really stays the same.

The best advice I can give is to find friends that sincerely care about you... which may not happen for a few years. Egocentricity is all too prevalent in our age group. I'm guilty! And I'm slowly learning that my family is the best friend(s) I can have.

Who can I really talk to?
-- ? Me? That's who I talk to :)

Who am I?
-- This may be the least constant... I am always changing, and I like it. With knowledge comes growth. So many factors influence who I am. BUT, these last 6 months of my life have really started to feel right. And I'm finally becoming the person I really want to be.

Who would really miss me if I were to leave?
-- A few friends, but mostly family. Plain and simple.

Do I try to force myself into a group that doesn't really like me and where I feel I don't belong?
-- That's what I tried to do in high school, and it never worked. I just kind of floated from group to group, never being an insider.

Or do I accept being alone and focus on building my family relationships?
-- Alone is such a relative term, and has a very negative connotation. I'm sorry. I love you.

Will that inhibit me when it comes to finding an eternal companion?
--You're on your own for this one babe. Me and eternal aren't even on the same page. BUT, my guess is that if an eternal companion and family are things you strive for, then improving familial relationships shouldn't hurt. It's all one and the same, right? At least that's how I feel.... my future partner MUST be part of the family. Although you should know that the amazingness of our family is sometime intimidating to potential partners. :)

**** All those dating questions? ACK. GAAAAAAAH. I have no answers.

And college? Don't worry- affording college can always be worked out.

You know Meish, this blog leads me to believe that you should no longer be in high school. You are much too mature to be there... come to college! You'll love it. :) I can't wait.

Comments

  1. When I was in high school, and Sara was on her mission I would write her letters full of questions and she would so sweetly answer each question. no matter how idiotic, (I once asked about if I could surivie having braces at Junior Prom) and I think it was in those letters that we became friends. You are both so lucky to have each other!

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