Nice Guys

I was browsing through the old letters to the editor in USU's newspaper, and this one I ran across hit a high note with me. I laughed and laughed.... I'll let you read and then explain a bit more afterwards.

"To the editor:

A recent column posed the question of why "nice guys" finish last and what sends women running into the arms of jerks. The column offered little insight and merely listed all the ways women don't appreciate these self-declared nice guys.

The truths in the column were that women don't like men who lack a spine or personality - doormats are for walking on - or men who smother them. However, none of the examples given are actually nice guys. The man who listens to hours of ranting against men, pines after her, and goes home to his own broken heart has no one to blame but himself. He complains that he was overlooked because women only want jerks. Here's a secret:only women with psychological problems seek out men who mistreat them. There are men who are genuinely shy and there are men who haven't figured out that they have to show interest to have it returned, but those aren't the men I'm talking about.

I'm talking about those who complain they're constantly passed over by the beautiful woman because they're the unappreciated "nice guys". These men are closet misogynists whose niceness is merely a facade designed to manipulate and control. They're all smiles and shoulders to lean on, but they see the woman as an object rather than a real, three-dimensional human being. When the woman doesn't fall into his trap, he blames her for not appreciating how wonderful and nice he was. We don't like men who manipulate us or objectify us either.

If the woman falls for the self-professed "nice guy", she's in for a world of heartache. Once in a relationship, she inevitably falls off of the pedestal he put her on and he becomes resentful that she can't be the idealization he truly wants. The mask of niceness eventually gives way to reveal the misogynistic narcissist lurking underneath.

Women want men who understand respect and honesty, men who are compassionate, men who are complicated in wonderfully human ways. We want partners and equals, no pedestal required.

Jeri Brunson"

The reason I find this so amusing is that I've heard the spill about being a nice guy and getting nothing in return for it a few times. In fact, one of the conversations was really a 2 hour venting session on the man's part, during which he told me that "all women are crazy bitches," that he's a genuinely nice guy, fairly attractive, etc. He went on and on and on about how wonderful he is, how absolutely horrible we are, and how he'd resolved to be celibate. This is where I cracked a joke, "Are you celibate by choice or because of your lack of options?" He didn't find it amusing and spewed insults in my direction.

I did a lot of thinking after he left- he'd made some serious insults about some of my best friends, and about me, and I found it a bit ironic that while trying to persuade me that he is a "nice guy" I realized that he was anything but.

We are all entitled to think what we want about ourselves, but the truth is that no person owes something because of our perceived personality types and date solicitations.


  1. I was randomly Google-ing myself and ran across this. Had completely forgotten about that letter! :)


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