Spiritual Release

Thoughts meander through my brain, weaving in and out, changing directions, and connecting links until the chain becomes so long that I can no longer find where it begins. And then slowly, but purposefully, they tuck themselves away in storage for a later date.

My realization tonight was that of my spirituality; Ive questioned it for quite some time now, and over the past few years I thought I had none. I have passion- passion for life, friends, family, learning, love, etc, but spirituality seemed nonexistent.

Drum beats reverberate through my body. I begin to relax, my thoughts quiet, and hips sway in an overwhelming need to move. Somewhere deep inside my body I can feel a connection forming- a connection between myself and something deeper, but what that is I do not know. I wonder if it is a tie between me and earth, or perhaps it is my body thanking me for finally answering its calls for freedom. There are no real restrictions I place upon myself during this time, just guidelines I keep to try and successfully learn the dances being taught. I wonder if this is what my body has needed for so long- simple appreciation- an acknowledgement of its hard work.

Fresh air enters my lungs. Moist soil gathers under my nails and surrounds my cuticles. The flowers seem to bend towards me, and I mentally thank them for their presence. Reaching for the sun, colors vibrant, they flash their beauty to all in sight, as if to say I am here for you. Reaching to the ground, I remove the litter accumulated throughout the week, and I notice new growth. Against the mans wishes I lovingly planted the iris bulbs which had been tossed aside, deemed small, dry and dead, hoping they would pull through and claim triumph. Victory is theirs. The small green blades pushing their way through clods of dirt are strong, yet fragile.

I too have pushed my way through the dirt, mostly my own, and Ive found Im stronger than I thought. I have passions that are rewarding, in more ways than you might imagine. I feel like my life is falling into place- the plants ground me, and African dance frees me. I am able to be the woman I aspire to be, albeit in small steps, and I am better for trying.

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